Have you ever felt…

Have you ever felt being in the same place with somebody…

Whom you wish you could see always..

And then him saying “Hey, you look great tonight.”

And I said, “Really? Thank you.. ♥ ♥”

And I was there, he was also there…

Just the thought of that somebody being there made me smile,

And my eyes sparkled..

And having the chance, to sit beside him  and chat a bit..

As he graced with his wonderful smiles…

I felt all of that..

But the next day, I woke up.

I realized it’s still just a dream.

Good day everyone..

Step Aside Heart, Mind Is Taking Over

Heart vs. Mind

People often say that in making decisions, especially if about relationships, we must use our minds, heart is only secondary.

Some also say that when we decide, it must be 60% coming from the mind and only 40% from the heart, (or any percentage as long as the mind has the bigger share) and they say that the mind was located on top of our head and the heart in the middle part of our body, so we’ll have to consider what the mind says. (Okay, I pretty much got the idea.)

I have experienced this dilemma. It is indeed very hard. Sometimes, you know the right thing to do, but still, some people follow their heart because that is what makes them happy. I asked myself, “Why do I still follow my heart, even if I know the direction of the decisions I am taking?” One moment, you’re happy, and then after that, hurt will follow. The next step is to learn the lesson. But, I resented to learn it. And now I’m asking, “Why did I choose to be in that position again and again”?

It’s because, I am happy. It’s as simple as that. But, where do happiness and hurt end and acceptance begin? Why do I keep on doing things over and over even if I know that it will happen again? That part, was when my heart decides.

And now, little by little, I am in the process of realizing the answers to those questions. It has been years since my heart has overcome my decisions in life and love. It is time for the mind to take over, when it should have dominated long time ago.

The heart has made me feel happy. They said, it made me stupid. Perhaps I just loved wholeheartedly. But now, the mind says, “take a break, let go, love yourself more.” The heart has always been my first consideration. Now, I have to set the heart aside, no matter how sad it will be, the mind will help the heart heal its wounds.

My mind is getting clear, but the heart is still trying get out and make its move. I hope my mind will stay alert in the process.

To My First Love ♥

The girl is sooo in love! ♥

I can still remember the first time I laid eyes on you, I wanted to be your friend.

Your name speaks for itself, a very gentle and kind person.

Your eyes were beautiful, so as your smile. And right then on, I started to fall in love.

I was so young, but I was so happy. You’re one of the motivations I go to school every day.

I can still remember how you would speak my name, it was music to my ears.

I wasn’t inspired that much in my studies, I was inspired of writing about you in my journal.

During school parties or promenades, I was kind of expecting that you would ask me for a dance. But I resented the idea.

But I will not forget, you danced with me this one time and talked openly.

“Thank you so much for all the admiration, I appreciate that. From now on, you’ll be one of my very good friends.”

And then I realized: We are never meant to be together. You just treated me like a little sister. But we did become good friends.

We were seniors when I had to take an exam for a university. You were there to teach me, some Math problems I really can’t bear.

I passed the exam and I first informed you of it. You wished that I could be successful.

You even said, “I hope di mo ko makalimutan pag teacher ka na. At sana maging teacher ka ng mga anak ko.”

We had no communication for so many years. Then one day I received a text.

You told me that you are to get married. And then you are to have a baby.

I was happy, really, to have been informed about it. For I was one of the few who first knew about it.

Eventually, we parted ways, and saw each other again, ten years after graduating.

We told each other stories, and reminisced the good old times.

I know you’re happy with your family and kids, and I am certainly most happy for you.

I realized that the love may not be there anymore but there is something with you that have remained.

I had let go of the love I felt, but the affection and admiration will always be there.

AND Though you may not be able to read this, I would like to say that:  you will still be, and always be, my first love.

And for this day that I haven’t forgotten, I would like to greet you….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

A Letter to ‘My Criminal’

You had me at your funny wits, I fell in love.

We were sweet then, we made each other smile.

I was inspired and happy,
I had a reason to make life even more worthwhile.

We were strangers in the beginning, you left,
I guess I don’t know you that much and you felt the same.
But eventually came back to each other’s arms
And stayed with each other, and have known each other better.

Soon, we have come to know our differences,
I have come to accept you as you are,
I have accepted all the things about you,
And in return, you were always there for me.

It’s been years, struggles have come before us.
You almost gave up, I never let you,
We stood tall, together.
We have made it through, together.

You have hurt me, when I found out there was another,
But you came back for me, realizing you still need me.
I forgave you, just for you not to leave me.
I was ready to forget everything,
So we can still be together.

I never asked for anything in return,
Just for you to stay with me,
But I felt you so far away from me.
But you told me, “Everything’s fine, everything’s okay.”
Still I believed, for my blind heart and eyes don’t see..

Future plans have been made,
We’d be living far away, and we’ll still have each other
Sacrifices have to be rendered,
But the thought of us, being together,
Has made me through all the challenges

Years went on, I am still here
Another year has come, and another, then another
Then a picture told a story, That it involves another and not me.
I felt used, I felt stupid, I felt betrayed, I felt HURT.
Is that all we are now after the things we have shared.

Love is still there, I admit.
Perhaps the heart has been used to the hurt it feels over and over,
But I don’t know what to feel now,
I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to burst out what’s in my heart,
So many questions wanting to be answered,
But none has been given to me.

You will never change, when I hoped you will,
But this time has been unbearable for me,
Deep inside me, I still cared.
But I don’t know whether which is right,
To let go, to get mad or to just let things happen as they are.

For the ‘criminal’ who stole my heart and is still with him,
Its return will heal the pain, but I don’t know when,
The feeling of much “Incompleteness” is with me.
I hope that time will eventually heal this pain inside me.